A 71-year-old Serangoon man was apprehended this week after mistaking "human trafficking" for a charming way to find a life partner.

The romantic grabbed a stall assistant’s wrist, attempting to lead her into a sunset of medicated oil and regret.

When four police officers arrived to spoil the honeymoon, the senior citizen launched into a frantic wrestling match, screaming that the state was stealing his money.

“This uncle damn pattern,” said witness Ah Huat.

“Already 70-plus still want to grab girl, now he fight four mata like professional wrestler, but end up like wet tissue on floor.”

The man is being treated under the Mental Health Act for the crime of being incredibly thirsty.