Prosecutors revealed that Cole Allen spent his final moments of freedom perfecting a mirror selfie, proving that narcissistic vanity is the most effective form of gun control.

The 31-year-old reportedly agonized over his outfit, ensuring his red tie provided enough contrast against his murderous intentions to pop on a mobile screen.

Singaporean netizens were quick to judge, claiming the hotel mirror was "disgustingly streaky" and that his pose lacked "true main character energy."

"Imagine trying to end a presidency with such a mid-tier complexion and zero contouring," noted one local beauty blogger.

Authorities found that Allen’s phone was cluttered with landscape photos of "fairy lands," suggesting he was more interested in a curated aesthetic than basic marksmanship.

His manifesto was also panned by local content creators for its lack of hashtags and poor engagement potential.

The shooter was eventually tackled by security because he was reportedly distracted by a low-battery notification while checking his own reflection.

The Secret Service confirmed that while five shots were fired, the real casualty was the suspect's digital brand.

Experts suggest that future shooters will likely demand a ring light and a professional stylist before attempting any high-profile atrocities.

Allen remains in custody, where he has reportedly asked the judge for a more flattering angle for his mugshot.