The Civil Aviation Authority has commended the air traffic controller for his "unmatched multitasking skills" during the fatal collision.

Investigators confirmed the controller was negotiating a Carousell deal for a second-hand ErgoTune chair while directing the jet.

"I thought if I cleared both at once, we could go for supper early," the controller explained while refreshing his Shopee balance.

The fire truck has been issued a $300 fine for parking on a double yellow line during the emergency.

Management insists that 'minor' hiccups like exploding pilots are a small price for peak operational productivity.

A new 'Safety First' poster will be pasted in the control tower once tape is approved in 2027.