After twenty years of sucking corporate cock at a top-tier local bank, 45-year-old Tan Ah Kow finally realised that his life was a giant pile of steaming horse shit.

Inspired by Korean free-divers, the former Managing Director decided to trade his tailored suits for a pair of yellow Phua Chu Kang boots to become Singapore’s first professional longkang diver.

"The CBD is a soul-crushing graveyard," Kow said, surfacing from a monsoon drain in Bedok with a rusted Fanta can stuck to his forehead.

"Now, instead of diving into 'synergistic data pools', I’m actually diving into real sewage. It’s authentic. Lim peh has never felt more alive."

Kow’s daily routine involves holding his breath to scavenge for 10-cent coins, discarded vape pods, and the occasional water-logged rat.

While his former colleagues are busy chasing KPIs and pretending to like their wives, Kow is busy chasing a high from inhaling drain fumes and avoiding a leptospirosis infection.

"The feeling of a used condom brushing against my cheek is better than any year-end bonus," he claimed, ignored by aunties who assumed he was just another siao lang.

Sociologists suggest this 'poverty cosplay' is the new trend for rich Sinkies who are too chickenshit to actually end it all.