Singaporean parents are rejoicing as new subsidies allow them to repair their defective toddlers at half the usual retail price.

The MILK Fund has partnered with Epworth to ensure even low-income families can afford to scrub the non-conforming quirks out of their spawn before PSLE.

Experts suggest that "speech delay" is often just a child’s silent protest against forty years of impending excel spreadsheets and office politics.

One mother noted her son’s ADHD was actually a "premium feature" for multitasking, though the school insists on suppression until he resembles a lobotomized civil servant.

The subsidies cover intensive training to make sure children with "special needs" finally understand that their primary purpose is to pay taxes and die quietly.

"Timely intervention is key," stated one director, "because if they don't learn to sit still by age seven, they might accidentally develop a personality."

The program aims to transform impulsive children into obedient, silent components for the nation’s aging demographic machine.