While the rest of the planet prepares for nuclear winter, the CCP has decided that the apocalypse is the perfect time for a cheeky 5% growth spurt.

Factory workers in Shenzhen are currently pulling 20-hour shifts to ensure your "World War III Survival Kits" arrive via sea freight before the missiles hit.

Singaporean investors are absolutely wet with excitement at the news that China is thriving while Iran and the US play tag with ballistic missiles.

"Who cares if the sky turns orange as long as my Alibaba shares go up," said one local uncle while scratching his bird at the coffeeshop.

The massive 14.7% rise in exports is mostly fueled by high-tech semiconductors and 3D-printed caskets, proving that there is no business like the death business.

Domestic demand remains weak because Chinese citizens are reportedly too tired to buy anything other than instant noodles and military-grade bandages.

Steady pom pi pi, if the world is going to end, at least our Shopee vouchers will still be valid for the next three days.

KNN, as long as the GDP stays green, the rest of the world can go ahead and burn to a fucking crisp.