The Singapore Armed Forces’ Artillery formation has achieved a breakthrough in tactical communication by replacing verbal commands with the constant, soul-crushing screech of permanent hearing loss.

While infantry units waste time with radio sets that never work, these "Kings of the Battlefield" are now flawlessly synchronising shell loadings to the rhythm of the 8,000Hz frequency perpetually screaming in their ear canals.

"Knn, I don't need signal set anymore, the ringing in my ear tell me exactly when to fire the shell," shouted Recruit Tan, who hasn't heard a human voice since his first live firing.

Defence officials praised the development, noting that soldiers who are legally deaf are significantly less likely to complain about their shitty lives or the fact that they are basically glorified coolies for the Primus.

"What? You say what? Speak louder lah, my ear sound like kettle boiling since 2022!" yelled Corporal Lim while accidentally loading a live round into his own bunk.

Scientists confirm that the sheer volume of a 155mm howitzer has successfully liquefied the brains of these boys, leaving only a primal instinct to carry heavy objects and shout at walls.

Despite the lack of eardrums, the formation remains proud, mostly because they can no longer hear their girlfriends breaking up with them over the phone.