
Family Appeals For High-Def Footage Of Their Children’s Demise
A Malaysian family is desperately pleading for 4K cinematic dashcam footage to prove that their children were definitely not driving like absolute cibais before dying in a heap of scrap metal.
The 4:00 AM accident involving a 16-year-old girl and her 19-year-old boyfriend has left authorities wondering why they weren't at home sleeping like normal human beings instead of exploring the lawless wasteland of Johor Bahru.
Family members are convinced that a mysterious motorcyclist was "following" the vehicle, a sinister act commonly known in Malaysia as "riding a bike on the road."
"We need to see if the motorcyclist cast a hex or used some sort of lan jiao dark magic to make the car hit a U-turn," one relative remarked while refreshing Facebook for more gore videos to share on WhatsApp.
The dashcam’s SD card has been sent for "cybersecurity analysis," which is a fancy way of saying the family is paying a guy in a Sim Lim basement fifty bucks to find a scapegoat.
Social media forensic experts have already analyzed the blurred pixels and concluded that the crash was 100% the fault of the Malaysian government, the weather, and probably the ghost of a dead rempit.
The family is urging witnesses to come forward before the footage is overwritten by more important recordings, such as other people’s near-misses and screaming parking lot arguments.
"It is a race against time," the mother stated, noting that the only thing faster than a dashcam loop is a Singaporean’s desire to blame JB for everything that goes wrong in their lives.
The surviving passenger, who only injured his hand, is reportedly being hailed as a hero for managing to stay alive while his friends were busy becoming a cautionary tale.
At press time, the Malaysian police have promised to investigate the matter with the same speed and efficiency they use to ignore illegal street racing every single weekend.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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