A local actress has reportedly entered a state of permanent psychological distress after discovering her new theatre role requires her to speak more Mandarin than a Sheng Siong cashier.

The performer is currently self-medicating with a "scream pillow" to survive the harrowing ordeal of pronouncing words that aren't found in a Taylor Swift lyric.

The play features a character who projectile vomits on stage, a relatable physical response for most Singaporeans forced to engage with their mother tongue without a Google Translate crutch.

"Wah lau, study so many years still need one pillow to shout into? Like that I also can be actor lor," remarked one witness while eating fishball noodles in judgmental silence.

Medical experts confirm that the pillow is an essential life-support device for any Sinkie whose bilingualism died immediately after the PSLE.