The Singapore district court has officially ruined the weekend for thousands of unemployed Facebook commenters by granting a gag order on a Chinatown accident.

The order has effectively blue-balled the nation’s premier CSI investigators who were five minutes away from finding the mother’s LinkedIn profile and 1998 primary school graduation photos.

Local vigilantes expressed physical agony at being unable to leak the woman’s home address and preferred caifan order to the public.

“It’s a violation of my constitutional right to ruin someone’s life before the trial even starts,” said one HardwareZone user while furiously deleting a 40-page thread.

Legal experts suggest that court-mandated silence is the only way to stop Sinkies from prying into lives like a hungry auntie at a funeral.

The prosecutor noted that since the child was a witness, revealing the mother's identity would be like giving the internet a GPS pin to the kid’s soul.

Authorities are now considering a permanent gag order on all Singaporean social media to prevent the national average IQ from dropping further during viral news cycles.

If you even think about the woman's name, the Mata will come to your house and smash your router.

Stay safe, stay silent, and go back to complaining about the humidity like a good citizen.