The Singapore Police Force has successfully concluded its week-long team-bonding retreat in Geylang, arresting 14 local legends for running the country’s last authentic cultural hub.

The raids targeted critical community services, including unregistered sexual enhancement pills that help 67-year-old uncles fight the laws of physics and biology.

Officers also seized illegally modified PABs, because seeing a delivery rider travel faster than a government policy is officially considered a hate crime.

One 45-year-old was detained for secret society membership, which is honestly the only way to find a sense of community in this soulless concrete hellscape.

By confiscating cough syrup and vapes, the SPF has ensured that Geylang remains as sterile and depressing as a Jurong East library.