In a bold move towards total urban integration, an obese four-kilogram rat has been appointed as Singapore’s latest civil service high-flyer.

Having successfully survived three rounds of industrial poison at Maxwell Food Centre, the rodent represents the ultimate national meritocracy success story.

"Wah lau, this fellow bigger than my cat sia," remarked local diner Lim Ah Huat while finishing his laksa.

"He just sit there and look at me, then take my tissue paper to chope his seat leh!"

The authorities confirmed that these vermin now enjoy better career progression and housing subsidies than the average university graduate.

Residents are encouraged to bow whenever a rodent scurries across their path to avoid a swift defamation lawsuit.