The Housing Development Board has proudly announced that its multi-storey car parks have achieved a 100% success rate in devaluing every vehicle in Singapore.

Engineered by sadistic architects, these concrete death spirals serve as a mandatory rite of passage for any driver foolish enough to own a car.

“Wah lau, the ramp so narrow my BMW rim now look like kena crocodile bite,” complained resident Tan Ah Kow.

Authorities confirmed the pungent scent of urine in elevators is a deliberate feature to remind residents of their humble station.

“Every time I go up level six, the wall got more paint than Nippon Paint factory,” added driver Siew Dai.

LTA will install industrial sandpaper on pillars to ensure no car escapes without a permanent scar.