The Housing Development Board (HDB) has unveiled its most proactive mental health initiative yet: the "Peaceful Sleep" package for young couples weeping over property portals.

Designed to eliminate the crushing weight of a 99-year lease, the scheme allows first-timers to be legally taxidermied and placed in a mock-up BTO unit immediately.

This permanent solution bypasses the seven-year wait for a flat in Tengah that currently resembles a literal construction site wasteland.

"Wah lau, I see the price I want to jump anyway, so might as well let gahmen settle for me, at least got aircon in the showroom," said 26-year-old applicant Kelvin Siao, while hyperventilating over a $1.2 million resale listing.

Minister for National Development Tan Bo Chup confirmed that the programme has a 100% success rate in lowering heart rates to zero.

"Better than waiting until I am 80 years old then get keys, liddat better just go early lor," noted another applicant, Cheryl Bo Lui.

Successful applicants will be posed in "happy homeowner" positions, ensuring their lifeless husks never worry about rising interest rates again.