A 52-year-old Singaporean uncle has successfully upgraded his Scoot flight from "Economy" to "Twelve Years in an Australian Prison" following a spontaneous mid-air hands-on demonstration.

Witnesses report that the man, apparently confusing his seatmate for a complimentary amenity kit, decided to engage in some self-service entertainment during the 3 AM flight to Perth.

The Australian Federal Police noted that while Scoot is famous for charging for water, blankets, and oxygen, "non-consensual finger-banging" is currently not listed on the official menu of ancillary services.

"Wah lau, I thought the 'Scoot-in-Silence' cabin meant nobody would hear the screaming," the man presumably muttered while being dragged off the plane by authorities who actually have a backbone.

The victim was moved to another seat, presumably further away from the man who treated the flight like his own private Geylang back-alley session.

Scoot representatives confirmed that while they encourage passengers to "Escape the Ordinary," they generally prefer it doesn't involve being groped by a sweaty middle-aged man who hasn't showered since the Jurong Bird Park closed.

The 52-year-old is now facing charges of sexual intercourse without consent, which in Australia is considered a "crime" rather than just "standard uncle behavior."

If convicted, the man will exchange his cramped 29-inch seat pitch for a slightly more spacious cell where his new cellmate, "Big Bruce," will likely show him what "non-consensual" really feels like.

Meanwhile, other passengers on Flight TR16 complained that the sexual assault was still somehow more comfortable than the lack of legroom and the $8 cans of warm Tiger beer.

The Australian police reminded travellers that "What happens on the plane, stays on the police report," especially when you act like a horny siao lang at 30,000 feet.

Experts suggest that if the man wanted to be fucked this hard, he should have just tried paying the baggage overweight fees at Changi Airport.