The Ministry of Home Affairs has confirmed that the global "shadow war" has officially reached Singapore, manifesting as a series of slightly more aggressive emails from the HR department.

Iran’s elite sleeper cells, reportedly activated via encrypted signals yesterday, have already hit a significant roadblock: the operatives are too fucking exhausted from their 60-hour work weeks to locate their cyanide capsules.

Tehran’s attempts to bypass national security were immediately thwarted when the primary cell leader was locked out of his offensive operations for failing his Singpass facial recognition check three times.

One high-level asset, known only as ‘Agent K’, was reportedly seen attempting to dismantle the state by leaving his tray on the table at a hawker center, only to be immediately neutralized by a 70-year-old cleaning lady who called him a "useless piece of shit."

Intelligence reports suggest the Iranian regime is struggling to mobilize local sympathizers because most Singaporeans find the prospect of a nuclear winter less stressful than their current mortgage.

"We were prepared to launch a series of sophisticated cyber-attacks," stated one local operative while weeping over a spreadsheet.

"But my laptop spent three hours installing a Windows update, and then I realized my boss had CC-ed me on an urgent request for a PowerPoint deck about synergy."

Authorities urge the public to remain alert for suspicious behavior, such as anyone looking genuinely happy or not complaining about the humidity for more than five minutes.