
JB Taxis Banned From Crossing Causeway Unless They Have Floors
Authorities have finally decided that a 2011 Proton Exora with optional floorboards and industrial tape is technically a biohazard.
Under the new 10-year limit, Johor drivers must abandon taxis that previously functioned as mobile petri dishes for rare Malaysian molds.
Regular commuters are reportedly panicked by this sudden surge in safety standards.
They fear a newer Toyota Alphard might actually have working suspension, depriving them of the traditional spinal injury experienced during every pothole on the Causeway.
"My 2012 Innova was a masterpiece," one driver lamented while using a floor rug to cover a gaping hole in the chassis.
"The dashboard was a glorious historical archive of every cigarette smoked since the nineties."
While the government hopes newer cars will attract "premium" passengers, locals worry the lack of carbon monoxide leaks will make the four-hour traffic jam far too lucid.
Without the comforting scent of ancient upholstery and imminent engine failure, the trip to Singapore is just a very expensive way to sit in a parking lot.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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