Jerome Powell has officially announced he will remain at the Federal Reserve, proving that even at the highest levels of global finance, people are terrified of being retired with nothing to do but watch Channel 8.

Despite his term ending, Powell has decided to park himself on the board indefinitely, essentially becoming the world’s most powerful office squatter.

Trump responded by calling him "Too Late" Powell, a nickname usually reserved for that one useless friend who always misses the 1-for-1 buffet deal.

Insiders say Powell has already brought a foldable mattress and a portable stove into his office, vowing to stay until the US economy either recovers or burns to a crisp.

"Nobody wants him," Trump shrieked, echoing the sentiment of every Singaporean mother whose jobless son is still living at home at age 35.

Powell, however, remains unbothered, stating that he needs to protect the Fed’s independence, which is bureaucrat-speak for "I really like this ergonomic chair and the free pantry coffee."

Market analysts believe Powell is simply waiting for a retrenchment package that includes a lifetime supply of high-grade blood pressure medication.

Ultimately, the Fed Chair is proving that the one force stronger than a global recession is the thick skin of an old man who refuses to move.