The Ministry of Education has officially lowered the retirement age to six following a massive surge in toddler burnout.

Local parents are now opting for prenatal coding bootcamps to ensure foetuses can debug Python before their first ultrasound.

Four-year-old Kayden Tan was reportedly seen sobbing into his organic kale smoothie after placing second in a competitive hedge fund management workshop.

"I tell him already, if he cannot master quantum physics by K2, might as well go sell tissue paper," said his mother, Mdm. Lim.

"My friend daughter five years old already fluent in Latin, my one still struggling with basic thermodynamic laws, so embarrassing sia!"

Enrichment centres now offer 'Advanced Nap-Time Strategy' to help toddlers dream in multivariate calculus.

Experts warn that children who play with actual toys instead of spreadsheets face a grim future of lifelong mediocrity.