The National Parks Board has officially granted the final Sunda Pangolin in Singapore permanent residency status, primarily so they can fine it for jaywalking across the BKE.

"I see that scaly fellow yesterday, he crawl so slow like waiting for his CPF to payout like that," remarked Auntie Doris, a resident of Upper Thomson.

"Then he kena fine by LTA because his tail never put signal light, damn siao one," she added, mocking the creature’s blatant lack of road etiquette.

Conservationists are thrilled the species is surviving, despite the pangolin’s insistence on looking like a sentient, walking artichoke that forgot its identity card.

"Aya, this one not artichoke lah, this one my grandson's Pokemon right?" said Uncle Tan.

"If he want to stay here, better find job as security guard, if not government sure throw him into the longkang."

Authorities warned the creature that loitering without a high-paying corporate internship will result in immediate deportation to Johor Bahru.