The National Environment Agency has officially upgraded the smoke from Lau Pa Sat’s Satay Street to a "Level 4 Biohazard," surpassing the toxicity of the 1997 Indonesian haze.

Health officials warned that a single breath of these charcoal-scented carcinogens is equivalent to chain-smoking twenty packs of unfiltered cigarettes while standing inside a burning tyre factory.

"Wah lau, the more black the meat, the more 'shiok' it is what," remarked local satay connoisseur, Ah Hock, while coughing up a blackened piece of his own lung.

"If I don't smell like a burnt forest after dinner, my wife think I go Geylang and cheat on her lah!"

Despite the risks, Singaporeans continue to pay exorbitant prices for three grams of mystery meat skewered on a splintery stick that doubles as a lethal throat-piercing weapon.

Nutritionists confirmed the accompanying peanut sauce contains enough saturated fat to lubricate a Boeing 777 engine.

"The gravy so thick, can use to patch the pothole in my carpark also can," added another fan, Mdm Tan.