Speaking from a secure bunker in Cebu, Prime Minister Lawrence Wong reminded ASEAN leaders that the entire planet is currently a flaming dumpster fire.

He urged fellow member states to "double down on integration," which is high-level diplomatic code for Singapore needing to legally siphon everyone else’s rice and fuel before the island becomes a very expensive parking lot.

“The new normal is total chaos, and we must face it together,” Wong stated, while likely calculating how many of his neighbors' chickens are required to power a single luxury bungalow’s air-conditioning.

The Prime Minister proposed a regional fuel stockpile, suggesting that when global oil supplies dry up, ASEAN nations should take turns being the first to go bankrupt.

He also championed the ASEAN Power Grid, envisioning a future where ten different countries can experience the same massive blackout simultaneously in a beautiful display of regional solidarity.

Wong concluded by praising the spirit of ASEAN unity, right before checking if his private jet had enough fuel to leave the vicinity.