Corporal (NS) Tan has successfully transitioned from a state-mandated thumb into a slightly hairier, more delusional thumb.

After 730 days of serving as a government-issue bowling ball, Tan spent his final weeks nurturing a fringe that resembles a dying rodent.

He remains convinced that this greasy, uneven mess will instantly erase two years of social inadequacy and military-grade virginity.

His superior officer was predictably less than impressed by this pathetic follicular rebellion.

"Wah lau, your head look like one half-plucked chicken, you think you G-Dragon is it?" screamed 1st Warrant Officer Heng.

"Go cut botak now or I make sure you ORD in 2026, you chee bye kia!"

Despite the threats, Tan continues to stroke his three strands of hair as if they weren't a public indecency offence.

"ORD loh, liddat then stylo mah, tonight go Zouk confirm all the chiobu want to touch my hair one!"