National hurdler Kerstin Ong has officially proven that Singaporean meritocracy is just a fancy way of saying you can pay for someone to humble you.

After spending $700 to house her Hong Kong rivals, Ong shattered her own national record, confirming that local athletes are so lonely they have to bribe people to play with them.

"I needed that extra push, and honestly, the way to see speed in this country is to literally buy it from overseas," Ong remarked while checking her credit card balance.

Observers noted that paying for your own defeat is the most "Singaporean Heartlander" move since buying a luxury car you can only drive at 50km/h in a tunnel.

Ong’s rivals were reportedly thrilled to receive free accommodation, mostly because it is the first time anyone has been paid to make a Singaporean look slow on home soil.

Meanwhile, sprint queen Shanti Pereira’s hamstrings decided to quiet-quit mid-race, proving that even national treasures have a breaking point that does not involve a bank account.

Shanti walked gingerly past the mixed zone, looking like a person who just realized her legs are not covered by the same warranty as a new iPhone.

Singapore Athletics is now looking into a new strategy where they just pay every foreign competitor to stay in a hotel with shitty Wi-Fi and no air-con to give our locals a fighting chance.

"We are very proud of Kerstin," said one official who was busy counting the remaining budget for official polo tees.

"She has shown that if you want to be the best in Singapore, you must first be the best at providing room and board for people who are actually better."

In the javelin event, Lucas Wong broke the national record by throwing a stick with more aggression than a Grab driver fighting for a parking lot.

The public is reminded that supporting local sports is free, but watching our athletes pay to lose is a premium experience.

The Singapore Open continues tomorrow, with athletes expected to lan lan pay spectators $50 just to look away when they inevitably finish behind the guests.