
Local Psychopath Orders Brown Rice, Immediately Arrested For Treason
A 28-year-old man was apprehended by the Internal Security Department yesterday after he was caught ordering brown rice at a Maxwell Food Centre stall.
Witnesses claim the suspect also requested "kopi o kosong," a drink typically reserved for the terminally ill or those who fundamentally hate joy.
"I see him ask for no skin on the chicken, I almost faint," said stall owner Uncle Lim, 64.
"Limpeh sell here thirty years, never see such siao personβmust be spy or what, confirm not Singaporean one."
Government officials warned that choosing whole grains over lard-drenched jasmine rice is a dangerous gateway drug to joining a radical anti-sugar cult.
The offender faces life imprisonment where he will be forced to eat nothing but deep-fried pork lard until his heart properly fails like a true patriot.
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