The Land Transport Authority has unveiled its new "Zero-Tolerance Pedestrian Aeration Programme" to eliminate the scourge of jaywalking once and for all.

Elite marksmen have been stationed atop HDB blocks, authorised to ventilate anyone attempting to cross the road three metres away from a designated crossing.

"I only want to buy char kway teow, then suddenly got red dot on my forehead, like Star Wars sia," said local resident Tan Ah Kow.

Authorities claim that the cost of a single rifle round is significantly cheaper than the administrative burden of issuing a court summons.

"Steady lah, now nobody dare to anyhow cross, if not confirm plus chop become Swiss cheese," remarked an LTA spokesperson.

Officials confirmed that while casualties are high, the KPI for road safety has never looked better.