The Land Transport Authority has unveiled a revolutionary traffic model predicting that the upcoming long weekend jam will successfully outlive the average human lifespan.

The AI-driven forecast suggests that any motorist entering the Woodlands Checkpoint on Friday afternoon will likely reach Johor Bahru as a pile of bleached skeletal remains.

Authorities are advising travellers to pack a portable crematorium and several decades of rations before attempting the crossing.

"Wah lau, I enter the queue with a full head of hair, now I bald and my grandson graduating university already," lamented stranded driver, Ah Hock.

Officials confirmed that the stationary line of cars has officially been designated as a permanent sovereign micro-state.

"Eh, I tell you ah, the jam so long I already start paying property tax to the ICA," shouted another commuter.