The Land Transport Authority has officially designated all road cyclists as "Untouchable Gods" who are exempt from the laws of physics and common decency.

Under the new framework, groups of thirty MAMILs are encouraged to ride six-abreast while screaming at any taxi driver daring to occupy their personal velodrome.

Cyclists wearing $20,000 carbon-fibre frames now have the legal right to ignore red lights, provided they look sufficiently aerodynamic and constipated.

"Eh, my bike more expensive than your COE leh, so why I must stop?" said local cyclist Tan Ah Huat while adjusting his spandex.

"You car slow like turtle, don't kacau my Strava timing lah, later my wife suspect I go Geylang."

LTA confirmed that if a peloton causes a pileup, drivers must compensate the cyclists with artisanal sourdough.