The Land Transport Authority (LTA) has finally addressed the national crisis of commuters failing to hear every detail of their neighbours’ private misery.

New regulations mandate that all mobile conversations on the MRT must exceed 100 decibels to ensure maximum public trauma.

Commuters found whispering about their colonoscopies will face immediate fines for ‘auditory selfishness.’

LTA spokesperson, Gerald Tan, stated that sharing domestic disputes is the only free entertainment left in the city-state.

“Eh, if I don’t shout, how my husband know I angry at him? The whole cabin must support me mah!” screamed 62-year-old Mrs Lim into her speakerphone.

Commuters are advised to purchase external amplifiers to better broadcast their mother-in-law’s gambling debts during peak hours.