The Land Transport Authority has finally recognized that Singaporeans are socially stunted animals incapable of existing in a shared space without a laminated instruction manual.

New high-tech sensors will now detect the distinct "clack-clack" of a 70-year-old uncle grooming his fungus-ridden talons on the 190 bus.

Offenders will be met with immediate summary execution via high-pressure sanitizer, or worse, a $500 fine that hurts more than the loss of a limb.

Commuters who enjoy blasting TikTok at max volume will be forced to listen to "Stand Up For Singapore" on a loop until their eardrums rupture.

Meanwhile, average Sinkies are encouraged to continue their heroic tradition of staring intensely at the floor while a man urinates on the seat next to them.

If the signs don't work, the government plans to replace all seats with upright spikes to ensure no one stays long enough to feel "at home."