The Land Transport Authority has officially declared war on commuters whose $2 Shopee earbuds leak more noise than a burst water pipe.

New "Aural Integrity Officers" will now patrol the MRT, armed with high-voltage tasers to neutralise anyone broadcasting muffled bass.

Any passenger caught leaking sound from their "high-fidelity" knock-offs will be immediately ejected from the moving train via a new emergency floor hatch.

"Wah lau, that uncle next to me blast C-pop so loud I thought I was at Getai," complained frequent commuter, Kevin Lim.

"Steady lah, LTA finally do something useful instead of just increasing the fare," he added.

An LTA spokesperson confirmed that hearing a stranger's TikTok feed is now legally classified as a war crime.

Offenders will face mandatory public caning using oversized, soundproof foam noodles.