Local man Tan Ah Kow has officially declared himself the President of the Al Ahly Supporters Club after reading a single sports article in the Straits Times.

The middle manager, who previously couldn’t point to Cairo on a map without accidentally hitting a Malaysian primary school, spent his entire morning arguing on Facebook about Bencharki’s clinical finishing.

“Zamalek is finished,” screamed Tan at a confused auntie on the East-West Line, ignoring the fact that his own career has been stagnant for twelve years.

Friends say Tan’s sudden passion for North African athletics is a desperate coping mechanism to distract him from the crushing reality of his sexless marriage.

Sports analysts suggest that reading about foreign derbies provides a brief hit of adrenaline that the S-League hasn't provided since the George Weah era.

Meanwhile, SPH editors confirmed they will continue publishing random foreign sports scores to fill the space where actual investigative journalism used to live.

Tan plans to purchase an Al Ahly jersey as soon as he can find a seller on Carousell who accepts CDC vouchers.

He remains hopeful that Bencharki can lead the team to victory, primarily because his last remaining scrap of self-worth is now tied to a club located 8,000 kilometres away.