The Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF) has confirmed that a PMD fire in Woodlands was caused by a faulty battery, despite the owner’s firm belief that the device was simply “expressing its emotions.”

The 59-year-old owner, who successfully turned his corridor into a high-stakes obstacle course featuring five bicycles and enough junk to satisfy a hoarding addiction, was shocked that a device left broken for six months would suddenly try to murder the block.

“Aiya, SCDF always talk cock one,” the owner grumbled while standing amidst the charred remains of his corridor-based flea market.

“My battery is very loyal one, okay; it probably just got a bit stressed because of the humidity and decided to release some steam.”

Neighbors, however, remain unconvinced by the owner’s unique understanding of lithium-ion physics.

“I hear 'boom boom boom' and thought Woodlands finally kena bombed,” said one resident.

“The corridor so full of rubbish, I’m surprised the PMD didn’t catch fire sooner just from the sheer embarrassment of being parked there, cb.”