Mandai Wildlife Group has announced that birthday celebrations for resident animals will now be contingent on hitting quarterly productivity benchmarks.

An endangered lemur was reportedly seen weeping into its fur after being told its "cuteness rating" dropped four percent since its last maturity milestone.

The traditional ice-and-fruit cake has been replaced with an itemised bill for the cleaning fees and utility surcharges incurred by the animal’s existence.

"Wah lau, why this animal also got birthday party? I work so hard also don't have cake leh," said local visitor, Tan Ah Kow.

"Sian man, the monkey just sit there only and get free food, better go find job as security guard lah."

Management confirmed that any animal failing to attract 500 Instagram tags will have their birthday revoked and replaced with an extra shift at the breakfast buffet.

The move aims to prepare the wildlife for the harsh reality of the Singaporean meritocracy where nothing is ever truly free.