The Singapore Zoo has proudly announced the birth of three Sri Lankan leopard cubs, proving that even a literal wild animal has a better sex life than the average Singaporean salaryman.

While local humans spend three years debating which preschool has the best air-con, leopards Yala and Asanka spent their time engaging in raw, unbridled carnal activities under the watchful, perverted eyes of Mandai Wildlife Group staff.

"It took three years of coordination to get these two to knock boots," stated a curator who clearly gets off on watching CCTV footage of apex predators mating.

The triplets are already being groomed for a life of being stared at by smelly tourists and screaming toddlers.

The males are described as "laid-back," which is zookeeper-speak for "lazy buggers who won't do shit," perfectly mimicking the local middle-management demographic.

Meanwhile, the female cub is "feisty," likely because she’s realized her entire life will be spent in a glass box while aunties take blurry TikToks of her taking a dump.

The Zoo is reportedly ecstatic that the leopards are actually reproducing, unlike the rest of the country which is currently too busy working OT to remember where their fuckin' genitals are located.

"At least these cats don't ask for a work-life balance," the curator added, before throwing a dead cow at the new family.