Following the San Diego shooting, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MFA) issued an urgent travel advisory instructing Singaporeans in the United States to utilize the local population’s superior surface area as ballistic cover.

"Given the average American profile, a single local resident can provide ample protection for an entire Singaporean family of four," the statement read, noting tactical hiding is more cost-effective compared to buying premium insurance.

While world leaders sent prayers, Singaporean netizens expressed deep concern about whether the violence would cause a spike in the USD exchange rate or delay their monthly Amazon delivery.

Local man Lim Kopi noted that while mass shootings are common in California, they are still less terrifying compared to receiving a sudden letter from the CPF Board.

"As long as the bullet doesn't hit my parcel, I can continue pretending to care via Instagram stories," Lim added, before returning to his afternoon nap.