Singaporean authorities watched the Parisian riots with genuine horror, baffled that any population could experience raw emotion without a prior permit from the MHA.

While French fans expressed their jubilance by incinerating Peugeots and huffing teargas, local football fans celebrated the PSG win by quietly staring at their CPF balances.

“Burning a car is a massive waste of a $150,000 piece of paper,” noted one Yishun resident, who considers standing on the right side of the escalator a form of radical anarchy.

Police have issued a stern reminder that any local attempt to ‘spill onto the streets’ will be met with immediate corrective work orders.

A lifetime ban from entering any Sheng Siong will also be strictly enforced for unauthorized smiling in a public space.

If you must express victory, please do so by giving a silent thumbs-up emoji while ensuring your tray is returned to the designated rack.

Any excitement exceeding 40 decibels will be prosecuted as an illegal riot.