The Singapore government has responded to the total collapse of Middle East energy supplies by offering citizens the price of three McSpicy meals.

DPM Gan Kim Yong warned that while the world burns and the Strait of Hormuz is choked like a budget escort, Sinkies should remain "disciplined" and continue to rot at their desks.

To cushion the blow of massive electricity hikes, the state will disburse enough CDC vouchers to buy one-half of a designer toaster.

"We are monitoring the situation while you get hammered by inflation," said a spokesperson currently recharging in a climate-controlled Good Class Bungalow.

At least the state knows that even in a nuclear winter, a Sinkie will stop bitching for a $400 cash payout.