The Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) has finally admitted that the Standard Obstacle Course (SOC) serves no tactical purpose other than high-speed testicular obliteration.

After decades of watching recruits face-plant off the Low Wall, officials confirmed the obstacle was originally engineered by a vengeful, sexless eunuch.

Meanwhile, the new IPPT electronic scoring system has been upgraded to ignore any push-up that doesn't involve the recruit’s nose touching a puddle of another man's fermented sweat.

Chief of Army stated that the 2.4km run remains the primary method for identifying which soldiers will eventually be cuckolded during their overseas deployment.

"Eh, you think the wall is for training to climb over obstacles ah?" remarked an anonymous Staff Sergeant while flicking a cigarette butt at a passing corporal.

"Actually is for us to see who got the biggest kopek to jump without breaking their bird-bird, you blur fuck, understand?"

Recruits are reportedly more terrified of the ELISS machine’s cold, robotic judgment than the prospect of actual armed conflict with a foreign power.

"Lanjiao machine always say 'No Count' even when I pump until my chest want to explode, sial!" complained a recruit who is currently failing his fifth remedial training session.

MINDEF reminds all personnel that if you cannot achieve IPPT Gold, you are legally classified as a "Civilian in a Very Ugly Costume."