The Ministry of Defence has officially replaced traditional psychological torture with a mandatory 24-hour subscription to a Platoon WhatsApp group.

Recruits are now legally required to reply “Ack” within 0.04 seconds of any message, including low-resolution memes sent by power-tripping Corporals.

“Eh, you think your grandfather own the server is it? Why so slow to ack?” screamed 3rd Sergeant Tan, while spamming forty ‘angry face’ emojis at 3:14 AM.

The Geneva Convention is currently investigating whether being forced to read a Warrant Officer’s ungrammatical 1,000-word essay on ‘discipline’ constitutes a crime against humanity.

The sheer trauma of the ‘Tri-tone’ notification sound has proven more effective at breaking men than a five-day route march through a literal swamp.

“I see blue tick but no reply, your backside itchy is it?” remarked one Encik, who hasn't spoken to his own children since the group’s inception.

Military doctors confirm that the sight of a ‘typing...’ bubble from a Regular is now the leading cause of premature balding among 19-year-olds.

Any recruit found muting the chat will be sentenced to death by a thousand “Sign Seven” punishments administered via Zoom.