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Singapore Slurp: Mindef Syncs Health Data To Confirm You Are A Chao Geng Fuck
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Mindef Syncs Health Data To Confirm You Are A Chao Geng Fuck

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Jian Li
Thursday 9th April 2026 @ 12:10 SST
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Zaqy Mohamad announced the SAF will link mental health data with public hospitals so commanders can scientifically prove you are a chao geng piece of shit.

The new "integrated" system ensures that when an NSF claims he’s hearing voices, a computer instantly checks if those voices are just his mother telling him to stop being a pussy.

"We need to streamline the process of ignoring mental health triggers across all government agencies," a spokesperson said while lighting a cigar with a recruit’s 11B.

Public doctors will now be trained to look NSFs in the eye and prescribe "Suck It Up" instead of a specialist referral.

Mindef hopes this synergy creates a more "resilient" force of men who are too dead inside to even contemplate jumping off a block.

This satire is based on a real news story.

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