Following the tragic Jakarta train collision that turned a female carriage into a flattened pancake, Women Empowerment Minister Arifah Fauzi has unveiled a revolutionary safety strategy: simply moving the women to the middle of the train.

“The problem isn't the faulty signals, the crumbling infrastructure, or the suicidal taxi drivers,” Fauzi explained while pointing at a diagram of a crushed sardine tin.

“The problem is that the women were positioned in a high-impact zone.”

“By shifting them to the center, we ensure that if a catastrophic crash occurs, the fatalities are more aesthetically balanced and centrally located for easier cleanup.”

The groundbreaking logic suggests that if you’re going to be obliterated by a speeding locomotive, it’s much more inclusive to do so while surrounded by sweaty men on both sides.

Critics have pointed out that this doesn’t actually stop the "dying" part, but the Ministry remains firm that a "centralized casualty count" is far more organized than a peripheral one.

Commuters have reacted with the typical enthusiasm of people who know their government views them as disposable human Tetris blocks.

One local woman remarked that she looks forward to the day the Minister suggests wearing "high-visibility stickers" to stop trains from physically phasing through their bodies.

At press time, the Ministry was reportedly looking into "Female-Specific Trapdoors" to ensure they drop into a void before impact.