The government has officially requested that citizens stop having “joy” or “ambition” to help stabilize the country’s fluctuating foreign reserves.

A new directive suggests that all overseas vacations be replaced by walking in circles around the nearest community center until you faint from exhaustion.

“Your disgusting habit of buying gold and traveling is basically treason,” a Ministry spokesperson announced while being fanned by two unpaid interns.

Singaporeans are urged to use WFH to work four jobs simultaneously while sitting on a bucket to save water and electricity.

To save fuel, residents must stop driving and instead hitch their elderly parents to a rickshaw for essential grocery runs.

Eating solid food is now considered an unnecessary luxury that threatens national food security.

“If you really loved this country, you would simply photosynthesize,” the spokesperson added before leaving for a $5,000 steak dinner.

The authorities confirmed that anyone seen smiling during this crisis will be investigated for tax evasion.