The Ministry of Education (MOE) has urged schools to "reasonably consider" bus fare hikes, which is civil servant code for "start walking, you strawberry generation fucks."

As diesel prices soar, the ministry suggests that 7-year-olds are perfectly capable of trekking from Tampines to the Science Centre if they just stop being so soft.

"It’s not a fare hike, it’s a fitness opportunity," noted one official while ignoring his own transport allowance.

Schools are now rebranding 'Learning Journeys' as 'Special Forces Selection Trials' to justify the lack of transport.

Teachers have been issued canes and high-velocity whistles to ensure Primary 2 students maintain a tactical pace along the expressway shoulder.

If a kid collapses from heatstroke, it’s simply considered a "teachable moment" about the volatility of Middle Eastern geopolitics.

Private bus operators, who are currently charging $200 for a ten-minute drive, suggested that students could offset costs by pushing the bus themselves.

"It builds teamwork and saves my fucking diesel," said one operator while polishing his luxury watch.

"If they can't afford the $50 surcharge, they can stay in class and watch a YouTube video of a penguin instead."

The move ensures that the students visiting the Zoo will be those whose parents are rich enough to ignore the "kiam siap" bus uncles.