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Singapore Slurp: MOE Reclassifies Burnt-Out GEP Students As Hazardous Bio-Waste
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MOE Reclassifies Burnt-Out GEP Students As Hazardous Bio-Waste

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Sarah Lim
Tuesday 9th June 2026 @ 06:00 SST
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The Ministry of Education has officially classified all Primary 4 Gifted Education Programme students suffering from total cognitive meltdown as hazardous bio-waste.

Officials noted that these high-IQ assets, once capable of solving quantum equations while folding origami, have become unserviceable due to a sudden, inexplicable desire to play outside.

Ministerial spokesperson, Lim Pek Chek, confirmed that any child failing to produce at least three patents by puberty will be repurposed into ergonomic footstools for high-achievers.

"Wah lau, my boy last time very zai one, can do A-Math in toilet," lamented local mother Mrs. Tan, while tossing her son’s trophies into a dumpster.

"Now he just stare at wall and drool, like he spoil already, waste my four-thousand-dollar tuition money only, better I go buy 4D."

MOE suggests parents of defective children simply reboot them using high-voltage shame or replace them with a more durable Malaysian cousin.

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