In a move that confirms Mountbatten residents have the structural integrity of a soggy cream cracker, the Town Council has officially mandated the use of foam balls for morning and evening pickleball.

MP Gho Sze Kee, who spent her first day on the job mediating a war between people who hit plastic balls and people who hate the sound of joy, called the situation a “hot potato.”

The new rules state that during peak "complaining hours," players must use balls so soft they make no sound, effectively turning the sport into a high-stakes game of swatting at a marshmallow.

Local Karens, who previously spent their mornings recording the decibel levels of falling leaves, have hailed the move as a victory for those who believe any sound louder than a dying battery is a personal assault.

“Walao eh, the ‘tock tock’ sound was making me lose my mind, I couldn't even hear my own internal monologue about how much I hate my son-in-law,” said one resident who lives 400 metres away from the court.

Players, however, have noted that hitting a foam ball feels like trying to play tennis with a used condom, providing zero tactile satisfaction for anyone involved.

Rumours suggest the Town Council’s next move is to mandate foam flooring for the entire estate so that nobody has to suffer the traumatic noise of a Sinkie’s slippers slapping against the void deck.

One disgruntled player was seen shouting “lan jiao!” at a foam ball after it failed to bounce, only to be immediately ticketed by a patrolling officer for violating the new "vocal lubricant" ordinance.

If the foam balls fail to pacify the neighborhood, the MP is reportedly considering "Imaginary Pickleball," where residents just stand on the court and think about exercise very quietly.

"It’s all about give and take," Gho Sze Kee explained, while handing out pacifiers to a group of 70-year-old men who were crying because someone played a radio at volume three.

Mountbatten residents are reminded that if they can still hear the wind, they are encouraged to submit a formal 40-page feedback form to the Town Council via registered mail.