The Singapore Armed Forces nearly deployed a tactical strike team to Pasir Ris Park yesterday after reports of a man wielding a surface-to-air missile launcher.

It was later revealed to be 68-year-old Lim Ah Hock, a retired insurance agent holding a Nikon lens significantly larger than his own torso.

Lim, clad in full tactical camouflage despite being five metres from a Starbucks, had spent six hours motionless in a bush to photograph a common sparrow.

"I stand here since 4am, my legs numb already," Lim barked while shoving a small child into a monsoon drain to clear his line of sight.

"This bird don't want to fly, I throw stone then he move mah, then I can take chio photo for my Facebook group."

NParks officials have since advised the public that if they see a phallic-looking object protruding from the foliage, it’s probably just a senior citizen seeking social validation through high-definition avian pornography.