The National Environment Agency has officially promoted the nation’s 4.5 million void deck pigeons to the rank of Senior Surveillance Officers.

Clad in grey feathers and permanent arrogance, these avian agents are now legally authorised to dive-bomb any resident seen eating overpriced cai fan without a permit.

The government cited the pigeons’ unique ability to survive solely on bread crusts and pure spite as a primary reason for the promotion.

“Eh, last time I throw one small piece of bread only, now they come five birds ask for my CPF money,” complained local resident, See Boey.

Town Councils have already begun installing tiny body cameras on the birds to ensure no cigarette butt goes unpunished.

Critics suggest the birds are more effective than cameras because they can defecate directly onto the perpetrator’s scalp with surgical precision.

“Last time I scared they shit on me, now I scared they report me to mata,” added Boey.