The National Environment Agency has officially surrendered all hawker centres to the local crow population following a series of tactical aerial bombardments.

Government officials admitted that the birds possess a level of ruthless efficiency and predatory instinct that the local workforce hasn't seen since the 1960s.

Under the new "Black Wing Policy," crows are now authorised to snatch any unattended tray of laksa and dive-bomb anyone wearing too much cologne.

"Wah lau, these black bird ah, more power than my boss leh," complained one victim, Mr. Tan.

"I just want to eat my mee pok, then suddenly one big black fella fly down, stare at me, and take my fishball—damn steady pom pi pi, man."

Authorities suggest citizens simply surrender their valuables and accept their new avian overlords as the ultimate meritocratic success story.