The upcoming RTS Link will finally allow Singaporeans to fulfill their lifelong dream of harvesting cheap groceries without ever having to touch the actual soil of Malaysia.

The network of elevated bridges ensures that a Singaporean’s Uniqlo Airism polo shirt will never be tainted by the peasant-tier oxygen of the Johor Bahru streets.

Authorities confirmed that by 2026, the Bukit Chagar station will act as a sterile vacuum tube, sucking kiasu aunties directly from Woodlands into the welcoming arms of a $10 haircut.

“I don’t want to see the real JB, I just want the 3.5 exchange rate and a cheap massage,” said local resident Lim Kopi, while practicing his ‘shocked’ face for when the customs officer finds his hidden cigarettes.

The direct connection to City Square Mall means Singaporeans can maintain their air-conditioned superiority complex while hunting for the cheapest eggs in Southeast Asia.

By 2030, a total of five bridges will create a ‘Sanitized Corridor’ where the only Malaysians a Singaporean will interact with are the ones scanning their barcodes.

“It’s sibei shiok because I can buy my whole month’s supply of toilet paper and be back in Woodlands before I even have to acknowledge that Malaysia is a real country,” Lim added.

The Malaysian government noted that while the bridges will be completed in phases, the greed of Singaporeans remains at a consistent 100% capacity year-round.

SME bosses are reportedly thrilled that their staff can now travel to JB for 'team-bonding' sessions that consist of eating cheap seafood and complaining about the humidity.

Transport officials have urged commuters not to drive to the station, mostly because Singaporeans are notoriously shit at parking their oversized SUVs in foreign territory.

The RTS Link is expected to carry 10,000 people per hour, or roughly 5,000 kiasu couples looking for a deal on dental work.

Ultimately, the project serves as a reminder that the only thing Singaporeans love more than their own country is leaving it to save fifty cents on a lime juice.